


only you could fill this empty space

by holy1_hell1



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, How Do I Tag, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Alternating, Past, U.S. Navy SEAL Evan "Buck" Buckley, seriously how the fuck do i tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29071164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holy1_hell1/pseuds/holy1_hell1
Summary: IN RETROSPECT BUCK SHOULD'VE SEEN IT COMING, the universe had a funny way of warning him when shit would hit the fan.It happened with Abby, he should've connected the dots when they were called out to the place where Buck had tried to set up a date with her and then a few days later Abby came barreling into his life with a fiancé - a painful reminder of what he once had and could have had with her.Then Eddie happened and then Buck should've really seen it coming, nothing good in life ever comes without with a price. He was happy, happier than he'd ever been, he should've known that it wouldn't last, that his past would come knocking, bringing back demons he spent years burying.oranother seal!buck fic bc i cannot get enough
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Daniel "Hondo" Harrelson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Danny "Danno" Williams, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Original Female Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Steve McGarrett, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 417





	only you could fill this empty space

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i come bearing another seal!buck fic bc why the fuck not?
> 
> i hope you like it!
> 
> also i have proofread this once (1) and used Grammarly so ignore any mistakes pls.

**_IN RETROSPECT BUCK SHOULD'VE SEEN IT COMING_ , **the universe had a funny way of warning him when shit would hit the fan. 

It happened with Abby, he should've connected the dots when they were called out to the place where Buck had tried to set up a date with her and then a few days later Abby came barreling into his life with a fiancé - a painful reminder of what he once had and could have had with her. 

Then Eddie happened and then Buck should've _really_ seen it coming, nothing good in life ever comes without with a price. He was happy, happier than he'd ever been, he should've known that it wouldn't last, that his past would come knocking, bringing back demons he spent years burying.

\-------

**THE NIGHT BEFORE EVAN 'BUCK' BUCKLEY'S DISAPPEARANCE**

Eddie was fuming, swimming in anger he hadn't felt since the lawsuit. 

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was-"

"Let me finish that for you: you weren't!"

"Eddie!"

"What? I'm right, you walked into an unstable, burning building without any backup!"

"What was I supposed to do? Let the girl die? She was a child, Eddie, she didn't know what to do!"

'No! You're not supposed to let her die, you're supposed to wait for back up !"

"She didn't have time Eddie! I don't know why you're getting all pissed, I was doing my job."

"No you weren't! You were playing hero!"

"If I wanted to play hero, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now!" 

"Yeah because you'd be dead!" 

"I made a calculated decision Eds-"

"Did you? Or were you too caught up in the adrenaline rush to think?" It was a low blow and Eddie knew it, "I- Buck-"

Buck flinches and guilt immediately pools in his stomach, but he can't get the word out to apologise. He's expecting Buck to say something, anything really, but he doesn't, instead he huffs and walks out of the locker room, "I'm going to the apartment for the night," With that Buck leaves, not even bothering to change into his civvies.

Eddie doesn't say anything, once Buck's out of sight, Eddie kicks the lockers before sitting down on the bench, head in his hands as he tries to calm himself down and get rid of the image of Buck's body flying away from the explosion. 

"Eddie?" He looks up and sees Bobby, concern clear as day on his face, "Everything okay?"

He wants to lie and say _'yes'_ because it would be so much easier to not talk about it but there no point when the whole crew heard them fight, "No," He sighs, rubbing his face, "I - I just can't believe what he did, he could've gotten hurt or-" Eddie cuts himself off, just saying it out loud scares him.

"But he didn't," Bobby sits down next to him, "As much as that boy gives me a heart attack, he knows his limits."

"Does he Bobby? He almost died today."

"The girl would've died without him," And Eddie knows it's true, "He would've died a bit too with her."

"He could've just waited, even for a second and I would've been there with him Bobby!"

"He could've," Bobby agrees, "But this is Buck we're talking about, the same impulsive Buck who tried to dig you out with his bare hands."

Eddie inhales sharply at the memory, "I just wish he wasn't so impulsive," He murmurs.

"He wouldn't be Buck then would he?"

Eddie can't help but chuckle at that but he sobers up, "I can't lose him, Bobby, _we_ can't lose him, we've come too close."

"We have, but he always comes back to us, to you and Christopher," He places a hand on Eddie's shoulder, "Buck's not Shannon, Eddie."

Eddie grimaces because that's what Eddie's terrified of, Buck leaving, he knows, deep down, that Buck would never leave, not after he fought so hard to get back to them.

"I know that-"

"Do you Eddie? Because that boy would go to the ends of the Earth for family."

"I know Bobby," He sighs, "I know."

Buck all but slams the door as he makes his way into the apartment, guilt and hurt swimming within him. He drops the bag on the base of the steps and makes his way to the kitchen, opening the fridge to grab a beer. He takes a swig and collapses on the island chair as exhaustion crawls up his spine, his whole body aches, but none of that compares to the ache he feels in heart. He wants to apologise for scaring Eddie, but wouldn't apologise for running back into the building to save the little girl.

He stares at his phone, contemplating his apology, He goes even as far as opening the messages app, but he can't bring himself to type out his apology He's still angry, and he wants to give Eddie a proper apology, not a half-assed, passive-aggressive one - Eddie deserves better.

He puts his phone on the counter and places his head on the counter, trying to keep his tears at bay. Sure they fought, but it was always banter, 3 months into the relationship and this was their first big fight. 

He finishes the bottle and goes to open another one when his phone starts to buzz on the counter, he doesn't look at first, but when it continues he looks at it and sees a price number being displayed.

"Hey Kid," The voice greets him, "How ya doing?"

"Steve," He breathes, "I-I'm fine," He winces as his voice cracks, "How are you?"

"Don't lie to me Kid," He chides and Buck can practically imagine the look on Steve's face.

"I'm not, I am fine, I just had a fight with Eddie that's all," He explains, there's no point in lying to the man who could read him like a book.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, we'll work it out, so tell me, how are you?" He asks as he makes his way to the sofa.

"I'm good, but that's not why I called you, I'm at LAX-"

"And you need me to pick you up?" Buck laughs.

"Actually, no. Five-0 was working a case and it connected to Richards."

Buck freezes, his heart in his throat, "What? How's that possible? She's dead."

"Apparently she's not, there's some pretty convincing evidence. Listen, I know what I'm going to ask you is a lot, and I understand if you say no; you've created a life here, with Eddie and the 118 and I get it if you don't want to-"

"Get to the point Steve."

"Danny, Hondo and I are going to get her-"

"I'm in."

"Evan, think about this-"

"She killed Jay, I don't have to think about this." There's a finality in his voice that he didn't expect, "I'm going to come, whether you like it or not, you tell me and we'll both save the trouble you have to go through."

"Okay," Steve concedes, "Hondo will be at your place in 20, meet him downstairs. See you soon Kid."

"You too Smooth Dog."

The tone clicks and Buck's met with the silence in the apartment, the weight of his decision finally weighing on him; he was going to have to leave without telling anyone. He'd spent years hiding his past, it was time they knew, all of them. 

**THE DAY OF EVAN 'BUCK' BUCKLEY'S DISAPPEARANCE**

Eddie slept fitfully that night, tossing and turning as he got used to sleeping in an empty bed; most nights, Buck would sleep with him, rarely going back to the apartment. In fact, this was the first time in over a week that Eddie had to fall asleep alone, as a result, he barely made it on time for his shift.

"Everything better with you and Buck?" Bobby asks him as makes his way towards the island.

He shakes his head, "I haven't spoken to him last night, we both needed to cool down."

Bobby gives him a look that Eddie can't quite decipher, as he sits down he pulls out his phone and looks at since for the first time since leaving the station yesterday. 

His heart stutters when he sees a message from Buck.

_buck:_

_i'm sorry, i love you._

_i'll be back soon, i promise._

Eddie frowns at the message, what the hell did he mean?

_me:_

_i love you too, but what do you mean you'll 'be back soon'?_

He stares at the screen, chewing on his lip as he waits for a reply; he doesn't get one.

"Buck's late," Booby says as he glances at his watch. 

Just as he's about to say something, his phone rings and for a second he hopes it's Buck, but it's not.

"Hey Maddie," He greets.

"Is, uh, is Buck with you?"

"No, he's late for his shift, why?"

"It's just, I got a weird message from him last night and I just saw and now he won't respond back-"

"Did he apologise, say he loves you and that he'll be back soon?"

"Yeah," She stutters out, "How did you know?"

"He sent me the same thing last night."

"What? Do you know what he meant?"

"I just assumed that he wanted to apologise for the fight that we had last night but," Eddie cuts himself off, "He's not here, and he won't respond to me either."

"He probably overslept," She doesn't convincing, "I'll go check on him."

"Yeah, okay." 

With that, she cuts the call and Eddie feels worry setting deep into his bones, it wasn't like Buck to show up late to work, much less ignore their calls and messages. What if Buck fell down the stairs is unconscious or what if he somehow threw up another clot and is now on the floor helpless?

"What happened?" Bobby's voice pulls him out of his spiral.

"He's not responding to Maddie either."

Bobby frowns, they both know how much Maddie means to Buck and with her due date barely a month and a half away, he knows that Buck would always pick up her call. 

Hen and Chim jog up the stairs, oblivious to the tension in the air.

"Morning Eddie, Cap," They greet.

"Where's Buck?" Hen asks.

''We don't know," Bobby answers for him, "He's not answering Eddie's or Maddie's calls and texts."

Eddie's phone buzzes once again, "He's not here Eddie."

He frowns, "What do you mean?"

"I- He's not here, his phone's on the counter and his Jeep's in the garage, he's not here Eddie!" She sounds almost hysterical, "Where is he?"

"Maddie, what? He has to be there, he's not here!"

"He's not here! His bag's next to the staircase, his phone is here! Nothing's missing! Where is he?"

Eddie's breath catches in his throat, "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! Buck's not in his apartment!"

Eddie didn't even realise he was shaking until Chim takes his phone away from him, and talks to Maddie. His knees buckle and Bobby manages to catch him before he hits the ground, Hen right beside him.

"Eddie, what happened?" Hen's voice is gentle but firm, it reminds him of the voice she uses on Denny.

"Buck's not at home, his phone, jeep and bag are at home," He manages to get out, "Where is he?"

"Hey, Eddie's it'll be fine, he'll turn up, you know he will," Bobby assures him, "I'll give Athena a ring alright? She'll drag his ass back here alright?"

Eddie nods, but a part of him feels uneasy, it wasn't like Buck to disappear like this. The only time he was like this was during the lawsuit, and even then, Eddie knows that he would've picked up his call. 

"Here," Hen get his attention as she slides a glass of water towards him, "Drink this."

He picks it up with shaking hands and drinks, gulping it down as quick as he can.

"Alright, Athena's gonna go look for him."

The alarm rings and Eddie's pulled up by Hen, "C'mon, someone needs our help."

Almost two hours later, they reach back to the station. Eddie's already tired, his bones ache with a pain that he knows can't be cured away with painkillers, but he takes them anyway; hoping for the placebo effect and all that. 

He's the first to notice Athena sitting at the table, "Athena!"

There's a look on her face that doesn't' do anything to ease the worry in his bones; he knows something's wrong, there's a crease in her brows and Buck's nowhere to be seen.

"Did you find him?" Bobby takes the lead and Eddie's grateful, he's not sure that he could open his mouth without a sob falling out.

She shakes her head, "We canvassed the area, no sign of Buck. I need one of you to file a missing person's report," She says sliding a piece of paper across the desk towards them.

"What? That's not possible, he - he-" Even Eddie can't come up with something plausible, Buck can't be missing, he just can't be. 

"Eddie, there's no sign of him in his neighbourhood or yours, he's missing; you file the report, we can do a proper search, get warrants, all sorts of things that we won't be able to do if you won't file a report."

She hands him her pen and he takes it, unable to keep his hands shaking. 

"Does he have a history of disappearing like this?" She asks.

"N-"

"Kind of," Hen beats him. 

He whips her head towards her, eyes wide in disbelief.

"What do you mean?" Athena prompts.

"When he first joined," Chim says, glancing at the others, "He would take off sometimes, for a few days, whenever we have a few days off. There'd be no way to contact him."

"How long did this happen?"

"A few months I think," Bobby replies, "I tried calling him once to cover a shift but he didn't answer so I asked him when he came to work the next day, why I couldn't reach him. He said that he liked to go out sometimes, 'leave behind the world'. He hasn't done it in years though."

"He wouldn't do it now," Eddie says firmly, "Not when we're together, not when Maddie's so close, he - he has to be missing," The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth. 

"Are you sure? If this is a habit, then we can't file a missing person's report."

"I'm sure, he wouldn't. You know he wouldn't Athena," Eddie implores.

She sighs before pulling out her notepad, "What time did you see him last?"

"At the end of the shift, he didn't stay long, around 12:00 AM," Eddie replies as guilt worms its way into his stomach, that was the last time he saw Buck, what if is the _last_ time he sees Buck? He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of those awful thoughts, Buck will be fine.

"Did he contact you in any way before he went missing, phone calls, texts?"

"Yeah, I- I didn't see it until this morning," He brings out his phone, showing it to her.

Athena frowns as she reads it, "I'm not sure we can file a missing person's report."

"What?" They all explode.

"What do you mean?" Bobby asks.

"He said that he'll 'be back soon', it could mean that he intended to leave."

"He wouldn't! Athena!"

"Eddie-"

"Athena, listen to me, Buck wouldn't just randomly leave, you know that."

She sighs, "I'm worried about Buck too, Eddie, but this," She gestures to his phone, "Complicates things, coupled with his history of leaving without telling anyone, makes it very hard to spin a story about him being missing."

"You're saying that you won't look for him?" Eddie asks incredulously, disbelief lacing his voice, "He could be missing, dead in a ditch, stuck somewhere and you're going to sit here and say that you can't look for him because what? He used to take a break from the world for a few days? A text that may not even be from him?" His voice rising by each second.

"I didn't say that-"

"You sure as hell implied it!"

"Eddie!" Bobby shouts, "Calm down, no one's saying that," He places his hands on Eddie's shoulders, "We're going to look for him, you know we are, there are logistics that need be taken into account, that's all."

_There better be._

"I'll be back." He mutters, taking the stairs down two at the time.

He stands at the bay of the firehouse, soaking in the sun as tears threaten to fall. He clenches his fist, trying to ground himself; he should've insisted that Buck come home or he should've followed Buck to the apartment, he should've done something to make sure that Buck wasn't alone last night because maybe then he would still be here. 

The thought of Buck being missing scares him, but the thought of Buck willingly leaving him scares him even more, because it confirms Eddie's worst fear; that eventually, everyone that he loves will leave him. A part of him knows that Buck would never leave him behind, that he'd have Eddie's back any time, a memory that seems so distant now. 

It's reminiscent of when Shannon left. A fight that left them both feeling hollow, a note and then being alone. He wipes at his eyes furiously, Bobby's words from last night echoing in his mind. Buck is not Shannon, Buck will come back, Eddie doesn't know what to do if he doesn't.

"Eddie," Chim's voice is quiet, soothing almost as he makes his way to stand next to Eddie, "We gave our statement to Athena."

He nods jerkily as he blinks his tears away, he doesn't want Chim to see him cry, he's going to fully let go in the privacy of his house, not where anyone could judge him.

"You can cry if you want, I'm not going to judge you." 

Eddis inhales sharply, he was never one to openly show emotion, a trait that was drilled to him since he could talk.

"Eddie," Chim places a hand on his shoulder, turning his body so that they face each other, "It's okay, you're worried about Buck, we all are. You can cry."

Eddie bites his lip, trying to keep the sob crawling up his throat inside. He can't do anything to stop the tears that start to fall. He inhales shakily, and nods, "I- I can't lose him."

"Who says you will?"

Eddie doesn't argue with Chim, he doesn't know what to argue, so he turns back inside and walks up the stairs. It's quiet, his footsteps echo and he can hear Chim's echoing as well.

Everyone was where Eddie had left them. Athena had a look on her that he couldn't quite decipher.

"Eddie," She places a hand on his, "I know this is hard, but we're going to do everything in our power to find him, we're not going to give up. I promise you."

He nods jerkily, accepting her explanation.

"Okay, now tell me, was he being weird? Acting strangely? Anything odd about his behaviour in the past few days?"

"No, nothing, everything's been fine."

Eddie watches as she notes it down on her notepad, "Okay, what about work? Were there any weird incidents here, anyone come by asking about him?"

"It's L.A., everything's weird here," He snorts, but sobers up quickly, "Nothing, everything was fine."

"Alright, you told me you had a fight before he disappeared? Could you tell me what it was about?"

"It was about him being reckless," He whispers, "I- god, I said things that I didn't mean," He curses. "Fuck, Athena, I-"

"Hey, hey," Athena's voice calm, motherly, "You need to breathe before you end up spiralling, we're going to find him."

_He doesn't know what he's going to do if they don't._

"Dad, when's Bucky coming? I want to show him the solar model we drew!"

_Damn you, Buckley._

Eddie was never one to lie his son, so he sits in front of him, hands clasping his, "Buck's going to be gone for a while okay? He'll be back soon okay?"

Chris furrowed his brows, not exactly getting what Eddie meant, "What do you mean?" He asks, tilting his head in a way that was far too reminiscent of Buck.

"He's not going to be here for some time-"

"Did he leave like mom?"

"No!" He answers quickly, "He'll be back soon, he promised. Buck never breaks his promise does he?"

"No, he doesn't." Chris smiles, "When is he coming back?"

"I don't know kiddo, but he'll be back soon."

Eddie goes to sleep in an empty bed again, this time with uncertainty wrapped around him. He tosses and turns, trying to find the right position to sleep in but every position feels futile, he couldn't fall asleep without the heavy weight of Buck's arm around him, holding him flush against his chest, his soft breath tickling the back of Eddie's neck while he pretended to be annoyed by the soft snores coming from Eddie

He bites lip to stop a cry coming out, and he blindly reaches for the photo of them resting on his nightstand. He gently takes apart the frame and pulls the photo out. 

He places it on Bucks pillow.

He cries himself to sleep, longing for Buck to come home.

It's been a full day since anyone's seen Buck, 24 hours, 86,400 seconds.

"Detective Marks is going to take lead on this case," Athena announces, as she places a file on the desk.

"How long have you known Evan Buckley?" He asks.

"Four years this year," Bobby replies.

_Three years for Eddie._

He nods, "He joined the 118 in 2018 right?"

"With all due respect, how is knowing when he joined going to help us find him?" Eddie snaps, skin feeling taut with anger and frustration, "We should be out looking for him!"

Marks doesn't seem phased by Eddie's outburst at all, "I believe that Mr Buckely's disappearance might have something to do with his past."

Eddie frowns but stays quiet, a part of him curious, Buck never talked about his past. It took Eddie a while to notice but whenever someone asked him, he'd deflect the question and change the topic, he'd do it so quickly that you'd never notice.

"Has he ever spoken to you about his past? Could be events, people, places, anything?"

They all shake their head. For someone as open as Buck, no one seemed to know anything about him. 

Marks sighs and pinches his nose, "I was afraid you would say that," He pushes the file towards them, "There is nothing about him after he graduated, and then there was finally activity in 2017, it was like he didn't exist before that."

"What do you mean?" Hen asks, "How can a person not exist? There must be something, passports, credit card purchase, something."

"There's nothing, he graduated from high school when he was 18, withdrew about $5,000, booked a flight to California and disappeared off the face of the Earth for 7 years."

"That's impossible, you can't disappear, not now anyway with such advanced surveillance, and tracking and all that," Eddie says, barely able to wrap his head around the new information.

"I'm telling you, nothing between 2010 and 2017." 

"What about after 2017."

"There's credit card activity in Hawaii."

"Hawaii?" Eddie echoes, "What's he doing in Hawaii?"

Buck never mentioned that he stayed in Hawaii. Eddie can't help but feel hurt, why hadn't Buck told them anything?

"We're trying to figure out what he was doing in Hawaii but," He glances at Athena, "We're having trouble accessing his file, so I was hoping you all knew something."

Eddie's never felt so helpless before.

"He hasn't told us anything about Hawaii," Maddie finally speaks, her voice thick with emotion, "At his graduation, he said he wanted to travel for a bit. He got into a fight with our parents that day, we both did," She explains, "I left him," She chokes out, "I didn't talk to him until - until I came here; he'd call me but- but I'd let it ring and then delete the voicemail." She sobs.

Eddie watches as Chim places a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. It leaves him feeling hollow on the inside, craving for the comfort that Buck would've provided.

"Would your parents know where he is?" Athena asks, voice gentle as she hands Maddie a box of tissues.

There's a snort and an ugly laugh from Maddie, "God, no. I'd be surprised if they cared enough to fly down here. I haven't talked to them in years and Buck probably longer."

The confirmation that the Buckely parents wouldn't don't shock Eddie as much as it should, everyone assumes that the Buckley siblings didn't have the best relationship with their parents, with Buck being in the hospital far too often for anyone's liking and Maddie being kidnapped, he hadn't heard a peep from them; he can't ever imagine if his parents didn't come out to see him if anything ever happened, he still remembers the awful call he had with them after they saw the footage of him being trapped. Hell, if Chris had been through everything that Buck has been through, Eddie would never let him leave his sight.

"Right," Marks says, "I'm going to be honest, we have very little to work with and no leads at all, it's going to be hard," Eddie opens his mouth to argue but Marks beats him to it, "But, we're still going to be looking," He flushes at both Marks' and Athena's looks, "It's going to take longer, I've contacted HPD but they're asking for a lot of forms to be filled and all sorts of bureaucratic bullshit."

"We managed to unlock his phone and he received a call the night he went missing."

"Did you find out who it is?" Maddie asks, hope clearly shining through.

"Kind of," Marks sighs, "It came from someone named _'Island Dad_ ', but it was a private number, and the call only lasted for 30 seconds, so we couldn't get a location. Do you have any idea who _Island dad_ could be?"

The name was ridiculous but it sounded like exactly like something Buck would name someone.

"Could it be someone from Hawaii?" Hen asks, "You said there was activity in Hawaii before he came to L.A."

Marks nods, "We were thinking the same thing but, again, a whole load of red tape and bureaucratic shit with Hawaii," He scrolls down Buck's phone and shows them a few more contacts, "Any of you know who ' _Jersey Dad_ ' or ' _L.A. Dad_ ' are?"

They all shake their heads.

"Okay, thank you," Marks takes everything back, "Is there anything that you could tell us that may be of any help? Even the smallest thing could help us."

"Buck," Bobby starts, "He- uh he told he tried out for the SEALs before becoming a firefighter."

Everyone's eyebrow's shoot up in surprise, "What?" Athena asks, eyes wide with disbelief.

"That could explain why there was no activity after he graduated," Marks explains, "Do you know anything about his time in the SEALs?"

"He told me he dropped out during training."

"Fuck," Marks curses, "If he was with the SEALs, it would explain why we're having trouble accessing his files; if we pursue the SEALs lead, we risk the chance o being feezed out as they over the investigation," He turns to Eddie, "Do you have any contact with your ex-army platoon or any other members that could help us get a positive ID?"

"No," The word feels heavy on his tongue, "I don't talk to anyone."

"Okay, that's still something, we can't rule it out until we have a confirmation if he was part of the SEALs or not."

Eddie wonders why Buck didn't tell them anything. Hurt and anger thrum under his skin as uneasiness crawls up his throat, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Okay," Marks announces, "We're going to everything to find Mr Buckley, if you remember anything, call me or Athena."

They nod and leave.

"Man it's cold!" Hondo comments, rubbing his hands, "Should've guessed she would surface up in fucking Romania in all of the places."

"She did have a weird attachment to the cold," Buck points out, grabbing their bags.

"How are you not freezing?" Steve asks, zipping up his jacket.

Buck snorts, "Born and raised in Pennsylvania dude, this is like spring for me."

"Spring?" Hondo asks incredulously, "Are we sure you're not the psychopath?"

"Gotta take Buckaroo's side here, it's not that cold," Danny quips, "You two just don't know how to handle the cold."

"Kepp talking Jersey and I'll show you cold," Hondo laughs back.

"You're all talk L.A., a big softie like you won't do anything," Buck laughs, "You cried at the end of _Tangled."_

"Hey! You promised you'd keep that a secret!" Hondo shouts back, eyes holding a playful mirth, "Movie night was between us!"

"Movie night? Hondo gets a movie night and I get two calls a month?" Steve asks, "How is that fair?"

"You live in Hawaii, Hondo lives 20 minutes away from me, do the math McGarrett," Buck drawls.

"Danno," He huffs, "H-"

"First, I've told you not to call me that, and second, if you took a break every now and then, you could have movie nights with them, but no, because for some reason that I cannot fathom, you enjoy being shot at."

Buck laughs, Hondo joining in as Steve's face turns into a frown, "Drop and give me 20."

"Not in the SEALs anymore Commander," Buck teases, "Can't order us around anymore."

"Watch me," He narrows his eyes.

"Are the three of you done?" Danny eyes them, unimpressed, "Cause I would love to go to a hotel room and sleep away all my jetlag."

"Yes sir!" Buck mock salutes him, enjoying the feeling of banter.

Danny rolls his eyes and goes to hail a taxi.

"You're on thin ice Buckley, don't think you can get away with anything cause you're Danny's favourite," Steve teases as he follows Danny.

"Don't think you could handle the ice McGarrett," Buck laughs, "All I hear is jealousy."

"Kid's right, we can't handle the cold," Hondo chuckles.

Steve mutters something too quiet to hear but Buck laughs along.

"C'mon ladies! I'm freezing, hurry up!" Danny calls.

Buck collapses on the bed, groaning into the comforter as Hondo laughs, dumping his bag next to the bed. He turns shifting his weight to see Hondo do the same thing.

"Man, I hate jetlag," Hondo groans, kicking his shoes off, "I did not miss this I can tell you that."

Buck huffs out a laugh and sits up, kicking his own shoes off, wincing as his left leg flares up in pain.

"Fuck," He curses softly, gently pressing against his scar to ease some of the sudden pain.

"You alright?" Hondo asks, concerned.

"Fine," He waves him off, "Leg acts up in the cold."

Hondo narrows his eyes, "Do you have painkillers?"

"Yeah, somewhere in my bag," He lies.

"Don't lie to me Buckley," Hondo warns.

"Fine," He sighs, "I don't have 'em, painkillers weren't on my mind when Steve called."

"We'll get you some, and I want no complaints."

"I still outrank you Hondo," Buck teases, "Don't make me pull rank."

"What was it that you told Steve? We're not in the Navy anymore?"

"Oh," Buck clutches his heart dramatically, "My own father against me!"

"I am not your father," Hondo says, exasperated, "We all know you're Steve and Danny's kid."

"What about us?" Danny asks, walking in with a bag that looked suspiciously like Chinese takeout.

"Buck's your kid," Hondo tells him. 

Danny snorts, "I have nothing to do with the little devil, that's all Steve."

Steve chuckles, rolling his eyes as pulls out containers from the bag, handing them one each.

"Where's the nearest pharmacy?" Hondo asks, unwrapping his chopsticks before digging them into his container.

"What? Why?"

"Because someone," He says glancing at Buck, "Forgot to bring their pain medication."

"Hey! In my defence, I was just told a woman I thought was dead for like 4 years is actually alive, cut me some slack Hondo!" 

"I knew you'd forget it! I told you didn't I?" Danny turns to Steve, a smug look on his face, "I have some in my bag, I'll give it to you once you finish your food."

"Okay mum," Buck answers, hiding a smirk as he ducks his head down to put some noodles in his mouth.

"Watch it, Buckley," Danny warns, but there's no real heat behind it.

Buck wakes up to someone shaking him.

"5 more minutes," He groans, digging his face into the pillow.

He yelps when the comforter is ripped off him, the cold wrapping it's tendrils around him as he scrambles to pull it back.

"Hondo!" He whines, "C'mon man, it's way too early for this shit."

"It's 8 A.M., you've had to wake up for earlier shifts and even earlier for missions, go get showered and dressed!" 

"You've moved down like 10 spots on my list," He grumbles as he gets out of bed.

"Yeah, yeah, you hate me, like I haven't heard that one before, now go, you smell worse than Darrel after practice."

"Rude."

Buck grabs his towel and makes his to the bathroom, shutting the door with a small _click_. He steps into the shower first, yelping as the cold water hits him for the first few seconds. He steps back in as the water turns warmer. He lets his mind wander and guilt pools in his stomach as he thinks of Eddie. He regrets not leaving a note or a small video to explain where he was going and what he was doing, he was so caught up in anger and shock that it didn't even cross his mind. All he knew is that he needed to be on the aeroplane with the others. 

He shuts the shower off, drying himself off with the towel. He opens the door and grabs his clothes, he shuts the door and gets dressed. He could hear Danny and Steve bickering in the background and he lets out a small laugh.

"C'mon Buck, hurry up before Steve eats your breakfast sandwich!"

"You touch my sandwich, I'll gut you!" Buck threatens as he walks back into the room.

"Sure you will," He drawls, tossing him the sandwich.

"God I was starving," Buck moans as he bites into it.

"It's food, stop making weird noises," Danny chides him.

Buck rolls his eyes in response.

"That's your attitude," Danny tells Steve, "No manner this one, remind you to neve come near Grace again."

"Ha! Take that McGarrett," Buck laughs.

"That applies to you too Buckley," Danny warns.

"Please," Buck scoffs, "She loves me and we both know that the minute she pulls out the puppy eyes you melt into a puddle of goo that's only capable of saying yes."

"He's not wrong," Steve and Hondo chorus in agreement.

He glares at them, "Shut up and eat your sandwiches, we've got to start recon in the next 20 minutes."

3 days. 3 days since anyone's seen Buck. 3 days since they've found anything that could help them look for him. The first 48 hours were crucial in a missing persons' case but they flew by, and now Buck could be anywhere. He could be injured, hoping that they find him, and they might or they might not and Eddie's terrified. What if they end up finding him dead? The thought is enough to leave him feeling helpless.

"Eddie," Bobby calls out, startling Eddie out of his spiral, "You got a visitor."

"Coming Cap!" He replies as he walks down the stairs, a part of him is hoping that it's Buck, but he doubts it, Bobby wouldn't have sounded so casual, maybe it's Chris.

"'Sup Eds?"

Eddie's eyes nearly fall out of his head, "Dri?" 

There in her full glory stands Eddie's older sister, whom he hasn't seen for almost a year. She looks the same, except for the scar on her right cheek, her dog tags hang around her neck, contrasting against the blue Navy uniform.

"In the flesh," She smirks as she walks up to him, arms outstretched.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He can't help but sound surprised as he hugs her.

"I have a layover in L.A.," She explains, pulling back, "I gotta go to Hawaii tomorrow for some training course."

Eddie hides his disappointment, "Right, yeah, let me introduce you to everyone," He leads her upstairs, Bobby walking behind, "Hey everyone, I got someone I want ya'll to meet."

"Who's this?" Hen asks, placing her cup on the table.

"This is my older sister Adrianna," He gestures to her, "That's Hen and Chimney and of course you met Bobby, he's our captain."

"Nice to meet you," She shakes their hands, "Where's your boyfriend, the one you talk about in your letters? Buck was it?"

A silence settles over the room, "He- he's missing."

"Missing?"

"Missing," He confirms, voice barely above a whisper, "He went missing 2 days ago."

"Shit," She hugs him again, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, you didn't know."

"I could help," She offers.

"What?"

"The place I'm going to in Hawaii, an old friend of mine works there, Lieutenant Rollins, I could ask her to pull a couple of favours," Adriana explains, "I'm sure she'd be happy to help."

Eddie nearly cries out of relief, "Thank you so much Dri."

She scoffs, "Don't thank me you asshole, tell me about him."

Eddie smiles softly, "His name's Evan Buckley but he goes by Buck-"

"Evan Buckley?" She asks, surprise evident on her face and in her voice.

"Yeah, why?"

"Is he like roughly 6 ft 2? Curly, blonde hair, blue eyes, birthmark on his eye?"

Eddie blinks in confusion before an uneasy feeling settles in his stomach, they hadn't hooked up or anything, right?

"Yeah, do you know him?"

"Do I know him?" She laughs, "That man saved my life."

"I'm not sure I follow."

"Let me call Athena," Bobby says, "You could help with the investigation."

"Yeah, sure," She agrees, "I cannot believe you're dating him."

"How the hell do you know him? Did you hook up with him?" 

_Please say no, please say no, please say no._

"God no!" 

Eddie let out a breath of relief.

"So how do you know our Buckaroo?" Hen asks, curiosity lacing her voice.

"It's a long story," She sighs, "Do you mind if I sit?" She asks, gesturing to the chairs. 

"Oh, not at all," Bobby says, pulling a chair out and they all gather around the dining table.

Athena shows up a few minutes later with Detective Marks in tow.

"Bobby you said there's information about Buck?" Athena asks as she makes her way towards Bobby, her tone was even but Eddie could see the hope in her eyes.

"Apparently he saved Eddie's sister's life."

Athena turns to Adriana, "Hi, I'm Athena."

"Adriana, it's nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

"So Buck saved your life?"

"He did," She nods, "I'll explain."

Detective Marks pulls out his phone and starts recording the conversation.

"This was years ago, I was still relatively new to the Navy. We were on a simple Exfil in-" She stops herself, "In an undisclosed location, my team was ambushed and I was shot. We are pinned and there was no way we were going to make it out alive."

Eddie's breath catches in his throat, and he reaches to hold her hand. She smiles at him and squeezes it.

"We called for backup, but we were told there was no way any team could make it to us. We waited for hours, I was bleeding out," She breathes out, "That was until his team came, they were in the same area doing something that I don't have the clearance for. They were known as Strike Team Omega, the last resort team, the best the Navy SEALS had. They came in and saved us, but I didn't know him as Buck, he was known as _Kid_ , no one really knows why but everyone assumed it was because he was one of the youngest LTJ's the SEALS had. He's a legend, his whole team was legendary."

Eddie's head was spinning with all this new information, Buck was a SEAL? An LTJ too?

"They had us out in seconds, their sniper _Red_ took them out in minutes. _Smooth Dog, Hondo, Kid_ and _Wolf_ , extracted us. I was starting to lose consciousness by this time, my teammates told me this. Their medic, _Wolf_ , couldn't do much without a blood transfusion and _K-_ Buck, he volunteered. We did an open-field transfusion, he quite literally saved my life, I wouldn't be here if he didn't do it. _Smooth Dog_ totally lost his shit, yelled at him for being impulsive and saying that he shouldn't have done that. But Buck fought back, saying that it was their job to save people and that if he could, he would."

The whole house was silent, disbelief was written on everyone's face.

"Can you confirm that this is Evan Buckley?" Detective Marks asks as Athena slides her phone across the table to his sister, a picture of all of them on the screen.

"I can confirm that this man is Lieutenant Buckley," She says pointing at Buck.

"And do you have any evidence of this?"

"I do," She nods, pulling out her phone and scrolling up before tapping on a picture. He recognises Buck almost immediately, he looked younger, almost boyish, but it was Buck, a twinkle in his eye as smiled at the camera, "That's obviously Buck, next to him is _Wolf_ , Ajay Thakur," She points to a tall man with a stubble, "That's their Commander, _Smooth Dog_ , Steve McGarrett," She says pointing to the tall man next to Buck, "That's _Red,_ Eliane Richards, and that's _Hondo,_ Daniel Harrelson."

"Thank you, this is valuable information. Do you have any idea on how to contact them?"

A sad look falls onto her face, "No," She sighs, "Last I heard was that Omega disbanded, and everyone went their own separate ways."

"Do you know why?" Eddie can't help but ask.

She gives him a look, clearly contemplating what to say, "From what I heard," She pauses, "An OP went wrong, and _Red_ and _Wolf_ were killed in action. That's the official report, the unofficial is that _Red_ went rogue, killed _Wolf_ and tried to take off."

"Tried?" Bobby questions, a frown on his face.

She looks at them, eyes flitting over everyone before stopping on Eddie, "Rumour is," She sighs, "That _Kid_ killed her. No one really knows what happened after that OP, hell, no one knows what happened _at_ the OP, all we know is that Omega was disbanded after a month-long IA investigation."

The loft is quiet as the weight of his sister's story weighs on them.

Her phone buzzes and she frowns, "Excuse me."

He watches her walk towards the stairs, far enough that no one can see her.

"Jesus," Chimney sighs, "Buck's a SEAL?"

"Buck killed someone?" Hen asked, disbelief in her voice.

"I've killed people, it's combat Hen," He can't help but snap at her, the need to defend Buck taking over, "You either kill or get killed."

"Eddie, I didn't mean it like that," She apologises, "I- Just, it's hard to think of Buck as anything else."

Eddie wishes he could agree with her, validate her concern but he can't.

"The day of the train wreck," He starts, wringing his hands together as memories come flooding back, "I- I'd never seen him like that, he was so different. He wasn't the same Buck, at the time I thought it was shock," He pauses, "But now, I think it was him 'turning off his emotions.'"

Chimney opens his apartment in a daze, his mind swimming with information he can't process; Buck wasn't who he thought he was.

What's he not expecting to find is Maddie on the sofa, surrounded by letters, tears running down her face. He rushes to her immediately.

"Maddie, what's wrong?"

Chimney watches as she opens her mouth to say something but a sob comes out instead. He wraps his arms around her, and she buries her face in his shirt, her tears staining it instantly. He rubs her back and glances at the opened letters on the sofa, and stifles a gasp when he recognises Buck's handwriting.

Maddie pulls back and wipes her eyes, "I- I was cleaning, trying to get my mind off everything when I found a box that Doug's parents sent me. I didn't even know he hid them." She sobs, "He wrote to me all the time, and told me that-" She states sobbing again, "Chim- I- I can't lose him."

"Hey, hey, don't think like that. Buck's going to come back, we know it; he always fights to come home to his family."

"Do we? What if he's dea-"

"He's not."

"How do you know?" She all but yells at him, "The things he talks about, god, he was a SEAL and I didn't even know, what kind of sister am I?"

"Maddie," He cups her face, "You're the best sister after you came here, all he ever did was talk about you, 'Maddie this, Maddie that'. Whenever he tells us stories, you're always there, not your parents. _You_. None of us knew he was a SEAL until Eddie's sister showed up today, he never told us, but he told you."

"Eddie's sister?"

He nods, "She's in the Navy, and apparently so was Buck, we have a positive ID Mads."

She sniffles, "I - I just, I can't imagine it."

"Trust me," He laughs softly, "None of us could, not until Eddie told us."

She looks at him confused.

"The day of the train wreck, after Abby left with her fiancé," Maddie's face sours instantly and he can't help agree with her, "We had to continue, Eddie had never seen Buck like that before; he said Buck was methodical, almost robot-like, 'switched off' his emotions just like that," He snaps his fingers.

A quiet settles over them, before Maddie speaks again, more softly this time, as if sharing a secret, "You know what his first words were? Maggie," She laughs, "He couldn't pronounce his 'd's' yet."

Chimney laughs with her, and he's not going to lie, he's missed her laughs.

She sobers up after a few seconds as fresh tears fall down her face, "I- He has to come back Chim," Her voice sounds so broken that Chimney has to blink back his own tears to see her, "I don't know what I'd do without him."

"He's going to come back Maddie, you know he will."

"There's a USB in here, I think it has videos on it, maybe photos that could help us find where Buck is."

She holds out a small black USB, "We'll get this to Athena tomorrow alright?"

She nods and buries her face in his shoulder.

_You better come back Buck, I cannot lose another brother._

After spending a whole day doing recon, Buck was exhausted, he hated recon. He never had the patience for it, Elaine was the one who took the lead. 

"I want a cheeseburger," Hondo says as they walk back to the shitty hotel they were staying at, "What 'bout you?" He asks turning to Buck.

"Me too," He agrees, "With XL fries and a coke."

"Alright," He nods before turning to Danny and Steve, "Williams and McGarrett?"

"Same as Buck," They reply.

"Okay, Buck and I'll go get it."

"Do I have to?" He whines; all he wants to do go back and collapse onto the bed.

"Yes." They all say in unison.

"This is bullying," He pouts, "harassment, peer pressure-"

"If you don't want to come," Hondo says, "Then you won't get dinner."

"You're mean," Buck complains.

"So I've been told." 

They cross the street and stop in front of the hotel.

"I-"

Buck gets cut off by a loud screech and turns in time to see a white van pulling up. The door slides open and they grab him.

The others are slow to react and he's dragged inside. They place tape on his mouth and tie his hands and legs together, he tried to fight back but multiple people hold him down. 

The last thing he hears is Steve, Danny and Hondo screaming his name before everything goes black.

They meet Athena at the station the next morning, USB and letters in hand. 

They huddle in front of the laptop, Eddie and Maddie sitting in the front with the others seated behind them, Bobby to his left, Hen in the middle and Chimney next to Maddie.

_"Hey, Mads!" Buck greeted, "I don't know when I'm going to send this off to you, I'm thinking probably after the wedding, but I haven't decided yet."_

Eddie's breath catches in his throat as Buck mentions a wedding, he could feel everyone's eyes on him but he continues to stare straight ahead.

_"Babe! Come here, I started your thing."_

Eddie watches - with what feels like morbid fascination - as a man bounds into the room, a smile on his face.

_"Finally, of course, you start it a month before the wedding."_

_"I did it didn't I?"_

_"That you did," The man agreed, pecking Buck on the lips._

_"Say hi to Maddie."_

_Buck grabbed the camera and turned it towards Jay, "Hey Maddie, I'm Jay, your soon to be brother-in-law."_

_Buck placed the camera back down as he came back into the frame._

_"Look!" He exclaimed, showing off his left ring finger, displaying a simple silver band with three diamonds, "He proposed to me Mads!"_

Eddie sneaks a look at Maddie, trying to ignore the way hurt and jealousy flares in his chest. She has her hand to her mouth, unshed tears swimming in her eyes.

_"So, this whole filming this was Jay's idea. He said that since you didn't reply to the wedding invitation, we might as well send you the wedding. I know you always said that you wanted to help with the wedding prep, but since you didn't respond," Buck shrugged, "This is the best we can do."_

"I- I didn't even know," She whispers.

_"Alright, enough of that, let me introduce you to everyone," Buck got up, walking out of a room into a big living space, "Guys! I'm filming, come say hi to Mads!"_

Eddie can hear footsteps coming from the screen and he watches the rest of Buck's team come onto the screen.

_"So this Steve McGarrett," Buck panned the camera towards him, "He's basically our dad and that's our other dad, Hondo, you've just met Jay and that's my best friend, Ellie." They all waved at the camera._

_"Hey, Maddie!" They all chorused, "Buck talks about you a lot, it's a shame that you won't be here for the wedding." Ellie chimed in._

The screen cuts to black and Eddie's lost, Buck's never said anything about this, _ever._

"I- I need a minute." 

He gets up and rushes to the bathroom, locking himself in a stall as he collapses on the closed toilet. His mind's drowning with all this information, Buck had a fiancé and he never told Eddie or anyone but ti's the fact that he never told Eddie that stung the most. They were best friends first, they shared practically everything yet there was a huge part of Buck that he'd kept hidden, parts of his life that _his own sister_ didn't know. 

Eddie's both hurt and angry, the mix of emotions leaves him disoriented, and loose gripped. It's like the last thread that tethered him snapped and he's left free falling, floating through a valley of emotions, unable to land on a hill of a single emotion. It leaves him tumbling down, unable to hold onto something solid. 

"Eddie?"

Bobby's voice echoes in the empty bathroom, bouncing off the stained, white tiles.

"In here," He croaks, staggering up to unlock the door.

He's sure he looks like a mess, his eyes burn with unshed tears and his nose is starting to get stuffy. Before he knows it, Bobby's pulling him into a hug. Eddie's startled for a second, unsure what to do before he gives in and hugs Bobby back. They all know that Buck is Bobby's favourite, that was made abundantly clear with the whole lawsuit debacle, but Eddie knows that he takes the fatherly duty seriously, he's all but Bobby's adoptive son-in-law. 

That thought throws him further off-centre, he thought about marrying Buck but now he's conflicted. Eddie can't fault him for keeping secrets but this? This was huge and Eddie's caught off-guard with the emotions the video bought in. Can he even marry Buck? Does Buck even want to marry him? 

Bobby finally let's go, but the concern is still there in his eyes.

"I'm fine," He clears his throat, "I just needed a second."

Bobby obviously doesn't believe him, "Eddie," There's no accusatory tone to his voice, just concern.

"Seriously, I was caught off guard."

Bobby purses his lips before he nods and guides Eddie out of the bathroom.

All eyes are on him once they enter the room again, concern evident in all of their faces. 

He just gives them a nod before taking his place next to Maddie. She squeezes his arm, offers him a small smile, he does the same.

The video starts again.

_The camera comes into focus._

_"Alright, we've finally picked a cake cause someone," Buck glanced towards Jay, "Couldn't decide what flavour they wanted."_

_"Excuse me for not wanting a goddamn vanilla cake for my wedding," Jay scoffed, but there was no real heat behind it, " And if I remember correctly, didn't it take you almost a full month to decide on the venue?"_

_"That's different!"_

_"Is it really?"_

_"Yes! Where we get married is extremely important, you're telling me you want to get married in some shabby two-star hotel?"_

_A look of fondness crossed Jay's face, "I'd marry you in a landfill, as long as we get to be married."_

_Buck blushed furiously, "Shut up!"_

_Jay's laugh echoed in the room, "You look adorable all flustered."_

_"I want a divorce," Buck pouted, "You're supposed to be nice to me, woo me and all of that!"_

_"I am being nice!" Jay laughed, "I just said that I would marry you in literal trash if it means that we were married! What's more romantic than that?"_

_Buck faked a scowl, "I can think of a lot more things that are more romantic than that, like, I don't know, bringing your very stressed fiancé a nice cup of coffee."_

_"Mhmm," Jay hummed as he got up, "You're lucky I love you," He placed a kiss on his head._

_Buck waited until Jay was out of the frame to talk, "He's the best Maddie," He sighed, "I just wish you were here to meet him, but I doubt Doug would've liked him," He made a face and wrinkled his nose, "But I digress, we're going to start decorating the venue tomorrow, I'll probably forget to film so I'm going to show you photos before you tear off my head."_

Maddie's muffled sob sounds out and Eddie glances at her, feeling his own heart twist. He looks back the screen, ignoring the way hurt blossoms further inside of him.

_"Isn't it pretty? I wish you were here to walk me down the aisle," He sighed, "Mom and dad said they couldn't make it because they had a meeting that day. Can you believe it? They can't make it to their only son's wedding because they have a fucking meeting," He scoffed before rubbing his hands on his face, "Who am I kidding, we both saw that coming. Steve's gonna walk me down the aisle, and Ellie's gonna be my best man, woman? Maybe you'll make it to the next one? Jay wants to have a traditional Indian wedding too, which by the way look so fun?" Excitement shot through him, and any sadness that was there a second ago disappeared, "We haven't figured out the logistics yet-"_

_A loud crash echoed throughout and Buck jumped._

_"Jay?"_

_He came back into the room, a scowl on his face as he shoved a phone in Buck's face._

_Buck's face darkened._

Eddie's never seen Buck look so angry, _ever._ He didn't even know that Buck was capable of such anger.

_"They promised!" He growled, "They fucking promised, we'd be off for 2 months starting this week."_

_"Steve!" Jay shouted, "Come here!"_

_Steve walked in, his expression mirrored Buck's, "I tried but they won't budge, said it's a matter of national security. It's out of my hands." He sounded resigned._

_"Can't you get Joe to talk to them? Someone? Use your Navy pull McGarrett!" Jay snapped as he places his hand on Buck's shoulder._

_"It's out of our control, direct orders from the top."_

_"Steve! What the hell man?" Hondo's voice booms as he entered the room, phone in hand._

_"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Eliane yelled as she comes into the frame._

_Steve put his hands up in a placating manner, "I talked to them, and it's out of my control, they've got Freddie and Richie, Hesse is holding them."_

_"Why can't the bastard just die?" Buck groaned, "How'd they get there in the first place?"_

_"Rescue went wrong."_

_"I'm going to ask for an extra month, maybe I can pull the Lieutenant string," Buck muttered as he shut the camera._

"Who are Freddie and Richie?" Hen asks.

"I don't know," Marks answers, "I've sent our tech analyst all the names that have been mentioned so far, she'll let me know once she finds something.

_The camera turned on and Buck's sat on a table, eyes red and face blotchy. There's a bandage wrapped around his head._

Eddie notices the extra dog tag on Buck's neck almost immediately and his stomach drops.

_"Guess you won't have to worry about the wedding after all," Buck laughed bitterly, his voice hoarse but raw with emotion, "Lost both my fiancé and best woman," He spat out the words bitterly, "She- fuck Maddie," He shuddered, "She fucking betrayed us and killed Jay. I trusted her, we all did and she fucking killed him. Held a gun to his head right here," He pointed to the middle of his forehead with shaking hands, "Made me watch like a fucking psychopath," He sobs out, "She's dead now."_

Eddie doesn't want to think about what Buck's implying, because the man in front of him on the screen isn't Buck, this was Lieutenant Buckley.

_"Steve had to talk me down yesterday," Buck said, eyes downcast, "He's making me go with him to Hawaii, the bastards killed his father too. He talked to his sister last night, I tried calling you, but you wouldn't pick up. I called Doug. That's how fucking desperate I was. I needed my sister last night! Where were you, Maddie? Where were you when I stood on top of a fucking rooftop with my gun in hand thinking which would be the easiest way to go? Cause the least amount of pain? Because you sure as hell weren't here! You promised! You fucking promised! You're a liar Madeline Buckley, a fucking liar!"_

_"Buck!" Steve's voice did nothing to stop the rage in Buck's eyes._

_The video ends._

Eddie can see the way Maddie physically recoils at the venom in his voice, she can't stop the sob that comes out of her this time. She runs out the room, footsteps echoing the silent room. Chimney follows her almost immediately.

Eddie's speechless, unable to find the right combination of words and string them together into a coherent sentence. He opens his mouth to try, but the words won't come out, they shrivel upon his tongue and leave behind bitter taste, making him feel like his mouth is coated in ash and dust and soot. 

No one says anything as they leave the station, Maddie's still crying, Chimney doing his best to console her. Hen's quiet but he quivering lips and shaky hands tell a different story. He can't tell what Bobby's thinking, his expression is neutral but Eddie can unshed tears reflecting the streetlight, Athena by his side, her own tears glistening. Eddie's just numb, it's not every day that you hear your boyfriend talk about the time he tried to kill himself because his best friend killed his fiancé.

"Why didn't he tell us anything?" Eddie barely even recognises his own voice, the words feel heavy on his tongue, "Why didn't he tell _me_?" He whispers but they heard him, he knows they did.

"I- I think he was scared," Hen supplies, voice cracking with each syllable, "He trusted Elaine."

She doesn't need to elaborate, Eddie gets what she means and he's sure the others do too. Buck was afraid that it'll happen again. 

"I- we- wouldn't do that!"

"I think Buck thought that Elaine wouldn't either," Came Bobby's quiet reply, "It was his decision, we have to respect that."

Eddie gets that, he does, but that doesn't stop him from feeling hurt. He loved Buck, he's in love with Buck - and rationally, Eddie knows that Buck loves him too - but he can't help but feel betrayed, even though Buck had every right to keep it from him. Why didn't he tell Eddie? Eddie would've never judged him, not when he has his own horror stories to tell from his deployment.

"Why don't you come to mine tonight? You're in no shape to be at home alone," Bobby tells him.

"I-I can't leave Chris-"

"I'll take him," Hen interrupts, "Denny's been asking for a sleepover for ages," She turns to Bobby, "How about I take Harry too? Make it a boy's night?"

Bobby smiles, a glint in his eye, "I think that's a great idea, May's been asking to go to her friend's house anyway."

So that's how Eddie found himself sitting on the Grant-Nash couch with a glass of whisky in his hand, tears in his eyes and anger in his throat. The room is quiet, save for the crackling of the fireplace. Athena has her own wine glass and Bobby has a glass of water with ice.

"I don't know what to feel," He finally declares, staring at the fireplace, "I'm angry and sad and frustrated."

Athena places a hand on his knee, "You have every right to be."

"I- Fuck," He shudders, "Why? Doesn't he trust us? I would do anything for him."

"Do you know why I wanted you to join the 118 so bad?" 

He turns to Bobby, confused, "No."

"Because Buck was alone, we'd known him for a while but we knew nothing about him. We didn't even know Maddie existed until she showed up on his doorstep," Bobby explains, "Abby left him high and dry, and I knew Buck needed someone. He may not show it, but he trusts you."

"I hated Buck when I first met him," Athena joins, taking a sip of her wine, "He was so cocky, full of himself. But if you peel back that layer, he's got the biggest heart you'll ever see. He loves and trusts you, Eddie," She says firmly, "After what we saw, Eddie, he chose _you_. He trusts you, Eddie, we just need to give him time."

Eddie finally let's go, let's go of the anger curling up in his stomach, the regret clawing up his throat, and the fear in his heart. It's an ugly sob, one he hasn't felt since Shannon's death. Athena's hands gently pry the glass of whisky and place it on the table before her hands clasp his. 

"It's okay Eddie," She whispers, "It's okay."

Bobby wraps his hands around him, pulling him close, and Eddie's grateful to have them in his life. He can't remember the last time his parents hugged him like this, let him breathe without having to defend himself. 

"Stay the night Eddie," Athena tells him, "Hen can drop Chris off in the morning with Harry."

"I- I can't-"

"Sure you can Eddie, you're family," Bobby asserts, "I know you know that Buck's like a son to me, but so are you."

"Thank you, Bobby," He tells him earnestly.

Bobby rolls his eyes and laughs, "Don't thank me, Eddie, now go sleep, you look like you're about to pass out any second."

For the first time since Buck's went missing, Eddie sleeps peacefully. 

Buck blinks awake, his whole body aches as tries to move. He tries to get up, only to be bound by restraints. He groans as the thick leather straps dig into his skin, no doubt leaving behind angry red marks. He can taste the familiar metallic twinge of copper on his tongue, it leaves him feeling nauseous.

The room is bare, the first thing he notices is the black chair in front of him, the leather worn out from what he assumes is years of usage. He wonders if Elaine sits there, watching her victims. She did always like to observe, like a lion waiting for the right time to pounce, it was what made her one of the best snipers in the SEALs. There's nothing else in the room, he can't see any windows or cameras, but there's a vent to the left of the room, he's too big to fit in it. He looks around, trying to find another exit, but the door on the far right corner of the room seems to be the only way in or out.

The door opens and she walks in. She looks the same, except for the thick scar running across her face and he assumes all the way down to her torso, after all, he was the one who gave it to her.

"Evan," Buck never liked his first name, he hated the way people would say it, the way it would come with preloaded with disappointment, annoyance and frustration; he hates it the way she says it more, it's laden with false enthusiasm and cheer, "I'm so glad to see you're finally awake. I should've known you would've taken ages to wake up."

He bites down, refusing to rise up to her bait. 

"What?" She cocks her head to the side, "No hello? How are you? I've missed you?"

He bites his tongue to stop himself from speaking.

"You always were better mannered with Jay around."

He clenches his fist, digging his nails into his palm to stop himself from saying anything.

"Oh come on," She whines as she sits across his, nothing's really changed, save for the fact that she killed Jay and then proceeded to blow up the building in an attempt to kill them all, "Talk to me! I haven't seen you in years!"

"Go fuck yourself," He hisses, venom dripping from each word.

"Oh, Evan!" She gasps, feigning hurt, "That is no way to treat your friend! Your best woman! Have your parents not taught you anything?" She asks, her lips curling into a smirk.

He spits the blood at her feet.

"I see how this is going to be," She pouts, "Fine, I'll do all the talking."

She gets up and makes her way to the door, knocking on it three times before turning her attention back to him.

"Well, in the past, what, 3 years? 4? I've been up to a lot," She laughs, stalking towards him, "I mean faking my death worked out really well for me, as you can see," She gestures to herself, "Shame I have to deal with the scar you left me, but no worries, who doesn't love a badass woman?" 

The door swings upon to reveal a bulky man rolling in a trolley. The sound of metal hitting each other echoing throughout the room.

"Thank you, Ivan."

Buck looks at the trolley and his blood runs cold. He recognises the tools laid out, and he calms his nerves, it's not something that he hasn't survived before, he has the scars to prove it. He just doesn't know if he'll survive it at the hand of someone who knows him like the back of her hand.

"Besides that, I'm living life!" She laughs, it's nothing like laugh he remembers, it's not soft and hearty, it's cold and calculating. "Being a criminal pays quite well to be honest with you," She makes her way back to the chair, "I mean people literally pay me millions and I barely do the work! It's wonderful."

She brings the chair closer, there's barely any distance between them.

"It's a shame that you didn't join me, we would've made quite a lovely team. You have the brains and I have the brawns," She drags a perfectly manicured finger down the right side of his face, Buck bites back a yelp when she digs it into his skin, drawing blood, "I've been keeping tabs on you. Well, only recently. How's that leg of yours? Looked real painful to be trapped under a firetruck."

He grips the handles of the chair, ignoring the memories that threaten to surface.

"Almost as painful as being sliced open," She snarls, "I wonder, what were to happen if I reopened the scar?"

She places a hand on his cheek, "I just want to talk Evan, I haven't seen you for so long, why won't you talk to me?"

"Maybe it has something to do with you being a psychotic bitch," He replies.

His ears ring as the force of the slap leaves him disoriented.

"That's no way to talk to a lady," She chides, "God, you seem to have forgotten all your manners."

He looks up at her, ignoring the burning sensation on his right cheek. 

"But that's alright," She smiles, "I never did like your curly hair," She looks at it with disdain as she runs her fingers through it, pressing on the faint scar that hides on the left side of his head.

Buck loved it when Eddie ran his fingers through his hair, fingers gentle as they curl around his curls; Buck hated it right now, her fingers were rough accompanied with harsh tugs, "It's a good thing that then that we weren't together." He snarls.

She comes back into his view, a smirk on her face, "We would've made a great couple, but Jay made you happy, and I could live with that."

"Then why did you kill him you bitch?"

For the first time tonight, her expression sobers, and he sees true emotion on her face, "I didn't have a choice, Evan. He wouldn't see reason-"

"See reason?"

She ignores him, "I had to get away, I couldn't stay. I didn't want to kill him," Her voice earnest, "I swear, Ev, but he left me no choice."

"You made me watch!" He spits at her, "I had to watch my best friend kill the man I love!"

Her face shifts, mouth forming into a sneer before settling on a smirk, "I did do that didn't I? God, that seems so long ago."

"You're a fucking psychopath," He hisses, "And when I get out of here, I'm going to make sure that I don't repeat my mistake."

She grabs his face, her nails digging into his chin, "I doubt that Evan, you couldn't do it the first time and you sure as hell can't do it a second time. You always had a soft spot for me, even if you don't want to admit it."

He doesn't say anything as he stares back at her, he was not going to let her win, not again.

"Shall we begin now?" 

She claps her hands in excitement and Buck watches as she walks back to the cart, examining each tool on it before she settles on a scalpel. 

"How's that scar of yours on your head?" She asks innocently, twirling the scalpel and Buck's breath catches in his throat as the light glints off the metal, "Let's check it out."

He struggles against the restraints, and she laughs, "Evan, stop, you and I both know you can't get out of that."

He ignores her and tries again. 

She huffs and comes back into his view, "Should've known you wouldn't listen to me. You never did, always listened to Jay instead." She spat, distaste dripping from each word.

"What do you want?" He asks her, trying to buy time, he just hopes that they can find him in time.

"I don't know yet," She muses, twirling the knife in her hands, "Have you considered a life in criminal career? I must say the benefits outweigh the cons by a large margin."

He resists the urge to roll his eyes, "Elaine-"

"C'mon now Evan," She chides, "You know I don't like it when you call me that."

He clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath, "Ellie," He says, ignoring the way her smirk widens, "You and I both know that that won't happen."

"Worth a try," She shrugs, "But seriously, do you know how much money I make? It's actually ridiculous! And I don't have to pay taxes! It's wonderful, shame you won't get to enjoy it."

"Fuck you."

Another backhand has him seeing stars and the metallic tang of blood fils his mouth. He spits it at her feet, watching as the blood stains her shoes.

"Really?" She sighs, "These were new, goddammit Evan."

She wipes them on his jeans and he winces as she presses against his leg.

"Ooo, found the leg haven't I?" She asks with glee.

Buck doesn't answer, and glares at the door, hoping that Steve, Hondo and Danny find him quick.

"Guess, I'll have to find out myself."

She places the knife back onto the cart and picks up the scissors and crouches down, grabbing the hem of his jeans. He takes the opportunity and kicks her square in the chest. She hits the chair, her head knocking against the leg. She groans and anger fills her eyes.

"That's it," She snarls, "I'm done being nice with you, you're going to regret that you bastard."

She grabs his leg and cuts his jeans, Buck smothers a gasp as she presses against his scar.

"Look at me Evan Buckley," She hisses, "Look at me! We could've had a better life! Me and you!"

"I didn't want you!" He snarls back, "I never did!" 

"You liar!"

"I'm telling the truth!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

She grabs the knife again and presses it against his throat.

He sucks in a breath, keeping still. He can't act irrationally, he needs to stay alive to go back home, he has to get home to Eddie and Chris.

"Cat got your tongue, Buckley?" She taunts.

"Think about this Ellie," He warns her, "You don't want to hurt me."

"You don't know what I want," She spits.

"Don't I? I know you wanted to be with me, you wanted to be a teacher before you joined the SEALs, I know-"

"Shut up," She snaps.

"El-"

"What part of shut up don't you get?"

Buck shuts up.

"I wish you understood where I was coming from Evan," Her grip goes slack on the knife, "You left me for dead! Dragged a knife through me!"

"You shot my fiancé!"

"I didn't have a choice! They've would've tortured me if they caught me!"

"You didn't have to do it in the first place!"

"You don't know shit," She says, her grip going slack.

Buck takes the opportunity to tip his weight backwards, the chair falls back and Buck feels the knife cut him as it clatters to the ground with a dull _clink_. She lets out a gasp as Buck presses his weight against her, but she had the upper hand as she pushes him off. Buck lands on his chest, the hard floor providing him no comfort.

She grabs him by his hair, dragging him upright. Buck sees the manic look in her eyes, the one's seen the glimpses of when they were on OP, the murderous glint in her eyes as she waited for her target to come in sight. He should've seen it before. 

"You're so desperate to leave aren't you?" She snarls, anger dripping with each word, "Fine then, let's see if you can leave."

Buck blinks in confusion, "What?" He asks dumbly.

She doesn't reply, instead, she undoes the straps on his hands.

She smirks as he cautiously lifts his hands up, "You wanted to leave, let's see how bad you want to leave Buckley."

Buck recognises her challenge, and his eyes widen as he stumbles back, nearly tripping over the chair.

"You know, I thought I could convince you to join me," She drawls, crouching down, her fists rising up, "You were always so _fucking_ stubborn, never listened to anyone, you barely listened to Jay or Steve."

She lunges at him and he ducks, barely missing a punch that was aimed at his face.

"If Jay would've listened to me, we could've had such a different life!" She aims for a punch again, Buck catches her fist and pushes her back, "But no, both of you were fucking righteous!"

She kicks him and Buck can't dodge it, he clutches his side as a groan escapes his lip, and staggers back again, the longer he stalls, the more likely she is to tire herself out.

"Fight back!" She screams at him and tries for an uppercut, it hits him square in the jaw and he stumbles again, feeling blood pool in his mouth again, "Fine then," She snarls, "Guess I'll have to motivate you then."

Buck frowns.

"I didn't want it to come to this but you left me no choice," Her face breaks into another smirk, "How's your new boo? Eddie was it?"

Buck freezes, "Shut up."

"Struck a nerve have I? I know all about him, and your little son, Christopher-"

Buck sees red and lunges at her, but he's sloppy, he hasn't fought in years. His punch misses her and she easily sidesteps, sending him forward as his own momentum nearly causes him to fall over.

"You love them very much don't you," She laughs, "It didn't even take you that long to get over Jay," She taunts, "I wonder how long it would take you to get over-"

Buck doesn't let her finish the sentence, his fist connects with her jaw and she stumbles back, clutching it. The smile doesn't leave her face, in fact, it grows bigger.

"There he is," She says with glee, " _Kid_ is back."

She charges at him, but he's prepared. He dodges her punch and tries to kick her side, but she catches and twists it, causing him to fall to the ground and yelp in pain as she presses on his scar.

"Eddie does look good, you do have taste Evan," She laughs as she presses her hand against his throat, cutting off his oxygen, "Once I'm done with you, I might show him-"

He presses his thumbs against her eyes and she lets go as she screams and claws at his hands, her nails digging into his hands. He lets go and crawls back, coughing as his lungs scream for air.

"Want to play dirty huh? Fine then." 

Buck screams as pain flares in his abdomen, he brings his hand to hold pressure but she digs deeper, drawing another scream from him. She pulls the knife back out and stabs him again, this time higher, near his chest as it rips another scream. He fights through the pain and pushes her off. He leaves the knife embedded him for now.

He staggers back up, bringing his arms into a defensive position, "I can't believe I ever trusted you," He spits, "You were my best friend! I loved you like a sister!"

She doesn't say anything this time, her mouth is pressed into a thin line as she mirrors Buck's position.

"We all trusted you! _Jay_ trusted you!"

She swings at him, and Buck ducks, throwing an uppercut her way that sends her stumbling back. He punches her again but she catches his fist and uses her other hand to pull out the knife, drawing another scream from him.

"7 YEARS!" He screams at her, dodging another punch, "Did they mean nothing to you?"

She slashes him with the knife and kicks him back, punching his left side as he drags her down with him.

"Of course they meant something to me!"

"Then why?" He yells at her, pushing her off of him.

"You wouldn't understand," She snarls, trying to slash him again.

"Then make me!" He pleads, dodging her strike.

"Fuck you!" She spits, kicking him square in the chest.

He hits the wall, ears ringing as his head bounces of the concrete wall. His vision blurs as tears fill his eyes, he can't tell if it's from the pain or from whatever she's telling him.

He tackles her to the floor, cursing as the knife gets jammed in his abdomen again, "Fuck!"

They grapple on the floor, Eliane kicks him and he skitters a few feet, just stopping before the cart. He gets up, blindly groping the cart and he grabs something. He stands up, holding the tweezer out in front of him before throwing it at her. She dodges it and runs towards him, tackling him, this time Buck can't escape the onslaught of punches that rains on him from her. All he can do is bring his arms to cover his face.

She pulls the knife out of his torso and he lets out a pained whimper. She holds the knife above him, bringing it down and he just about manages to block it before it would've been embedded in his throat. She presses down harder and the tip is at his throat. He wraps his legs around her wait before rolling. She lets out a yelp as their position switches and Buck holds the knife against her throat.

'Why?" He implores, "Why Ellie?"

She smirks, "It's going to kill you not knowing why isn't it?"

"Dammit Ellie, just tell me."

He presses the knife harder against her throat, enough to make a small cut but not enough to hurt.

She gasps at the sudden pain, eyes going wide, "You cut me," She says, face filled with disbelief.

"I did try to kill you before," He explains with a smirk of his own, "Don't think that I wouldn't do it again."

She looks at him, eyes narrow as she searched his bruised face, before smirking, "I waited 7 years to get my hands on them," She explains, "The SEALs, were just a means to an end, Evan."

"You waited 7 years for revenge?" He asks her incredulously, "7 years for people who didn't give a shit about you?"

The smirk falls off her face, "Shut up," She snarls, trying to get up, but Buck puts a bit more pressure on the life and she relaxes again.

"You're angry because you know I'm right," He taunts, "They ran away, they lived their life and you spent years thinking of them when they didn't give you a second of the day," He laughs, "And I thought I was pathetic."

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Where'd you find them? Aruba? Cancun? Marbella?"

"I'm going to kill you!"

"It was Marbella wasn't it?" He smirks.

She lets out a scream and struggles against him, Buck maintains his position, grunting in pain when she presses on his stab wounds. 

"Ivan!" She screams.

Buck blinks in confusion before his eyes go wide.

The door flies open, and the man from before stands there, gun drawn and aimed at Buck.

"You bitch!" He snarls at her as he ducks, missing the shot that would've gone right through his head.

He scrambles back, his back hitting the wall as he looks for cover; but there wasn't any, the room was bare.

Ellie gets up, her hand flying to the dried blood on her neck, "Kill him," She orders.

"You're a fucking coward!" He yells at her, hoping to appeal to her ego.

"No, I'm not," She muses, a smile on her face, "I'm being efficient by-"

She gets cut off as the vent door falls open and something falls through. 

Buck recognises the flash bang and crouches, hands flying to cover his ears. Eliane and Ivan aren't quick enough and they fall to the floor as Danny drops down, his own gun drawn. He looks at Buck, his eyes widening at his state.

Ivan was the first to recover and he charges at Danny, Buck charges towards Eliane, tackling her to the floor, the knife flies out her hand skitters a few feet away from them.

"Who the fuck was that?" She wheezes.

Buck doesn't answer and lunges for the knife, she does the same.

Buck gets to it first.

He holds at her, and she backs away, her eyes flitting to the door as starts to get up. Buck moves forward, pressing her against the wall, cornering her.

"You know," She muses, "This wasn't how I wanted you to pin me against the wall."

"Shut the fuck up!" 

Their eyes meet and Buck silently mourns the loss of his closest friend as memories play across his mind.

_"We are so dead," Buck whispered, "He's going to kill us!"_

_"Shut up!" She hissed, holding the phone steady, "He's going to hear us!"_

_Buck shuts up and crouched behind her, ignoring her glare as his knees let out a pop._

_"Guys-" Steve's sentence got cut short as the bucket of water fell on him._

_Buck stifled his laugh as he bit his knuckles, Ellie does the same._

_"Very funny," Steve drawled, "Really, great pranks."_

_Buck laughed out loud, unable to keep quiet any longer._

_"Man," Ellie sighed, "That is so fucking cute."_

_"Isn't it?" Buck agreed, eyes marvelling at the photo of Jay proposing to Buck._

_"I can't believe it took you guys so long to get hitched," She laughed._

_"Hey!" Buck protested weakly._

_"Just saying," She held her hands up in defence, "The whole fall hard and fast thing in the army, ya know?"_

_"We're SEALs," He deadpanned._

_"Still," She shrugged her shoulders, "I thought it could apply to us, anyway, when's the wedding?"_

_"Haven't set out a definite date yet," He explained, "But it's probably gonna happen in the next 6 months."_

_"Damn," She whistled, "That's quick."_

_He hummed in agreement, "Maddie hasn't responded to anything in a long time and I - I was hoping that you would want to be my best man. Best woman?"_

_"Holy shit," She exclaimed, "I would love to!"_

He slits her throat. 

Buck watches with tears in his eyes as she crumples to the floor, hands weakly attempting to stop the blood flowing. He can't help as a small smile makes its way onto his face.

A shot ringing out brings hit attention to Ivan and Danny, the latter holding a gun to Danny.

Buck doesn't even think as he silently charges towards them. He lifts the knife up and brings it down, wincing as the knife enter the back of Ivan's head with a _squelch._

"Gross," Danny comments as he watches the man fall to the floor, eyes wide and unfocused, "What is it with SEALs and being brutes?"

Buck shrugs in response, "Dunno."

Danny shakes his head, "C'mon let's go before I need more therapy."

Buck grunts in pain as Danny loops his arm around his neck, dragging him to the entrance.

He can hear shouting and shell casings hitting the floor.

Danny places him against the wall before readying his gun as he peeks around the corner. He fires two shots before helping Buck again.

They walk past the two bodies of the guards and make their way to the entrance, where more bodies ay unmoving, blood pooling around them.

He can see Steve and Hondo shooting into the darkness, the sound fo pained grunts and squelching flesh confirms that they hit their intended targets.

Buck hears Steve's shout before he feels the bullet rip through his skin. White-hot pain rushes through him and he falls onto his knees, dragging Danny down along with him as they escape the oncoming flurry of bullets. Sand covers his face as he falls down, stars dancing across his vision as the pain in his side continues to increase. 

When Buck was a kid, he was fascinated by space, the stars even more so. He would spend hours on their roof just staring at them as they glittered across the midnight blue sky; more often than not, Maddie would join him, and they would take turns pointing out the constellations, Buck would end up talking, telling Maddie the history behind Hercules or Perseus. When Maddie moved away, he would continue talking into the wind, hoping that his voice carried far enough for her to hear, let her know that she was never alone. He'd done the same with Jay, he'd explain the stories behind constellation and fall in love a little harder when he looked at Buck like he hung the moon.

He turns around, ignoring the way his body screams in protest. The sky was clear and Buck could see a million stars, almost as if the universe pitied him - he just hopes Eddie sees the stars too. He's gonna miss Eddie, Buck's never loved anyone as hard as he loves Eddie, with Jay it was a soft kind of love, one that felt like a warm hug but with Eddie it's ever-consuming, every part of him loves Eddie with everything it has, it's the type of love that he never wants to let go of.

"Eddie," He grasps at Danny's shirt, "Tell 'im I love 'im," He doesn't know if he's making sense, the words slur in his mind but he hopes that Danny gets the message, "And - and th't 'm sorry for leaving 'im 'nd Chris."

"No," Danny's voice is firm and grounds him back for a second, "You're going to tell him yourself so stay awake and fight."

He wants to, he wants to stay awake and fight, to go back to Eddie and Chris and hold them, he wants to tell Eddie that he's sorry, sorry for fighting, for leaving, sorry for hiding himself. He wants to tell Maddie that he couldn't have wished for a better sister. He wants to tell Bobby and Athena that they're the parents that he wished for when his own parents wouldn't even spare a second's worth of glance towards him. He wants to tell Chimney that he was the best brother he's ever had. He wants to thank Hen for standing by him no matter what, for having his back when no one else did. Most of all he wants to tell them how grateful he is for being allowed into their lives and that he's sorry for hiding because they deserved better. But it's so hard to stay awake when he lull of the darkness is so alluring. 

"No, no, no," Danny pats his cheeks and he blinks sluggishly, "Stay awake, you know the drill kid, c'mon," He urges. 

"'m tired," He manages to say, every breath hurting as he struggles to the words out.

"C'mon Kid, you gotta stay awake. Tell me about your sister, Chimney and their child." He prompts.

"Mhmm," Buck hums, trying to get words out of his mouth but they feel like lead.

"C'mon Buckley, stay awake, you're a first responder, you know what happens when you fall asleep."

He does, he has the knowledge stored in his mind, but he's too tired to think of anything but his family, he barely has energy left, and he'd rather spend it going through his memories, not trifling for information that he doesn't need.

"Ughh," He groans in pain as Steve and Danny drag him.

"I swear to god Buck if you die, I'm going to bring you back to life so I can kill you," Steve warns.

Buck can't help but laugh at his threat, that is until blood starts to crawl up his throat. The taste of copper coats his tongue and he groans as it trickles down the side of his mouth. 

"Buck!"

He blinks, trying to get his eyes to focus, "Hondo?" He manages to slur out.

"I'm here, you gotta stay awake kid!"

"Wanna sleep," He mumbles, "'m tired."

"Hey, hey Buck you know you can't sleep!"

"Mhmm," Buck hums.

He can hear shouting, he thinks they're yelling his name, he can't really tell. 

Everything fades, it's nice. Quiet. Peaceful almost.

Steve's heart is in his throat, "C'mon, c'mon Buck! Wake up!" He yells, slapping the side of his face, "Wake up!"

He can't lose him.

"Hondo! How far is the nearest base?"

"10 klicks east, 20 minutes and we'll be there."

"He doesn't have 20 minutes!"

Hondo doesn't say anything.

"He's not breathing Steve!"

_No, no, no, no._

Steve works on autopilot, getting into position and bracing himself over Buck.

"You're not going to die on me Buckley, not today."

"Let me do it, Steve, you're still injured."

"Danny-"

"Do not argue with me right now!" Danny snaps.

Steve concedes and lets Danny take over CPR.

Steve wasn't one to pray, in fact, he can't even remember the last time he prayed, but now, watching as Danny performs CPR on a man that he considers his own son, Steve prays. He prays that Buck makes it out alive so that he could go home to his boyfriend and their son, to his sister and her child, to Bobby and Athena, his pseudo-parents who treated him better than his real ones, to Hen and Chimney who stood by him. He prays. Prays even harder when hears a handful of ribs crack under the pressure of Danny's CPR.

"You're not getting away this easy Buckley," He hears Danny mutter, "Not when you still owe me a drink."

Steve cracks a smile.

"10 minutes!" Hondo calls from the front.

Had it really been 10 minutes?

There's a weak cough from Buck and Steve lets out a breath.

He was going to be okay, fate be damned.

"Hngg," Buck groans in pain, "Hurts."

"Good!" Danny huffs, "That means you're alive!"

"Eddie," Buck mumbles, "Want Eddie."

"I know you do," Danny pats his cheek, "We're close to the base, alright? We're going home soon Buckaroo."

Buck hums in response before closing his eyes again.

"No, c'mon we've been through this Buck," Danny chides, "Keep 'em open."

He doesn't respond and Steve's heart drops again.

_The dirt is cold under his feet, but it's soft, almost like walking on a cloud. The sun is warm and Buck soaks it up as he walks further into the forest. He recognises the trees, his fingers brushing over the coarse wood, tracing his initials that he carved onto it before leaving. He hasn't been here since he moved away from Pennsylvania. He missed it. It was his favourite place in the world, he would spend hours here, sneak off when the quiet became too much to handle._

_He follows the winding path up, a smile making its way onto his face. He stops at the edge fo the cliff, allowing the winds to wrap themselves around him. He sits, lying back as the sun disappears and the moon shines, brining the constellations. The roof was nice, but it was here where Buck truly felt happy._

_"It's beautiful isn't it?" Eddie asks, threading their fingers together._

_"Yeah," Buck agrees, "I miss the stars, hardly ever see them in L.A."_

_"We should come here," Eddie suggests, "You could tell me about them."_

_"We are here," Buck frowns._

_"You are," Eddie turns to look at him, eyes mischievous, "I'm not, so come get me."_

"Commander McGarrett," A voice calls out, "You're hurt, we need you to get checked out."

"I need-"

"Commander," He grabs Steve's arm, his voice firm, "Our medics will take care of Lieutenant Buckley, you being there is only going slow them down."

Steve relents and lets the Commander take him to the far corner of a tent and sits him down before calling out to someone.

The next hours are a blur, Steve always hated waiting. Danny and Hondo were with him, each holding a cup of coffee.

"We've been here for hours," Honod sighs, "When are they going to give us an update?"

Just as Steve's about to reply, the Commander from before walks into view.

"Lieutenant Buckley is going to be fine," He tells them and Steve feels like he can breathe again, "He has several lacerations and a GSW to the abdomen, along with a handful of cracked ribs, but he'll wake up soon, and as soon as my men see it fit for him to travel, we can arrange transport back to L.A."

"Thank you, Commander," Steve tells him earnestly.

"No need to thank me, Commander, we're just doing our job."

Buck wakes up to the steady sound of beeping. His eyes feel heavy as he opens them, everything blurry as his eyes try to focus on something. They land on Danny, his head is on the bed, there's dirt and grime in his usually pristine blonde hair. His eyes find Steve next, who asleep on a chair, leg resting on top of the other, head falling back and Buck knows that he's going to wake up to a crick that he's going to complain about. Hondo's the only one who looks remotely comfortable, he's curled up on a char, but his elbow rests on the handrest, head on his fist. 

"Lieutenant," A man calls outs, "You're awake, how do you feel?"

"Like I've been shot," He whispers, throat scratchy, "How long have I been asleep?"

The man laughs and hands him a glass of ice chips, "5 hours-ish? They haven't left your side since, we tried to get them to move to the beds but they refused."

Buck laughs before groaning as his chest flares in pain, his brows furrow in confusion as he tries to rack his memory as to why they hurt but he comes up blank,

The man notices and explains, "You have 4 cracked ribs, sustained from numerous cycles of CPR."

"CPR?" He asks dumbly, he doesn't remember getting CPR.

"CPR," The man confirms, "Apparently your heart stopped beating when they brought you here and then you flatlined during surgery, but you're going to be fine."

Danny begins to stir, Buck watches as he gets up.

"Buck!" He exclaims, "You're awake, thank god!"

His shout wakes up Hondo and Steve.

"Evan!"

"Buck!"

"Hey," He waves at them weakly.

"You gave us quite a scares there Buckley," Steve tells him, but Buck can see the poorly concealed worry in his eyes.

"That's what keeps you on your toes McGarrett," He quips, a smirk on his face.

Steve rolls his eyes but the smile on his face gives him away.

"Commander McGarrett I'd like to talk to you about Lieutenant Buckley's condition," The man says.

Steve ruffles his hair before going to talk to the man.

20 minutes later Steve comes back.

"We leave tomorrow," He explains, "Only if you promise to look after yourself and take care of the stitches."

Buck nods, "I promise."

"Alright, go back to sleep, you need all the rest you can get."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come?" Hondo asks as they pull up to the fire station, concern filling his eyes.

"I have to do this on my own," Buck sighs, wincing as he unbuckles the seatbelt, "I'll be fine, I promise."

Hondo sighs, "Alright Kid, just let me know how it goes."

"Bye, Dad," Buck jokes, a smile on his face.

"I'm too young to be a dad Kid," Hondo says with false exasperation, "We both know you're Steve's kid anyway."

"Hey now, I'm everyone's kid!"

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Whatever, you love me, _dad!"_

Hondo rolls his eyes as Buck get out and waves goodbye.

He turns to the firehouse and inhales, regretting it almost immediately as his ribs flare with pain. He limps towards the entrance, shouldering his bag. 

The trucks are in the bay, so they're not on a call, he can barely hear anyone, there's no laughing or the usual mirth in the firehouse that he's gotten so accustomed to. He can vaguely hear the T.V. playing but other than that, it's eerily quiet for a station that's always bursting with noise.

Eddie's the first to notice him - not that that surprised Buck - Buck watches as Eddie's eyes go wide, the mug he's holding in his hand falls to the floor with a crash that echoes throughout. 

"Eddie? What's wrong? What happened?"

He doesn't say anything, Buck's pretty sure that he broke Eddie. Eddie moves, running down the stairs like Buck's going to disappear any second, which in his defence, Buck did for a while.

"Eddie!" Bobby shouts, concern in his voice.

Eddie stops in front of him, eyes filled with unshed tears, "Buck?" He whispers tentatively, hands coming to cup his face.

"Eds," He breathes, his own eyes filling with tears.

"Buck!" Eddie cries with relief and launches himself onto Buck, "Oh my god! You're here."

Buck staggers back, groaning in pain when Eddie hugs him too tight, he hopes that Eddie misses it but he doesn't. He pulls back almost immediately, eyes filled with concern.

"What happened?"

"I-"

"Buck!" The others chorus.

They rush to hug him, squishing Eddie between them. They all collapse on the floor and Buck suppresses a groan at the sudden movement but he can't complain, not really when he's finally in the arms of the ones he loves. He can feel wetness on his shirt, he can't tell if one of his stitches opened or if it's tears. Buck has his own set of tears falling down his face, he's sure if anyone walked by the entrance, they'd think everyone's gone mad. 

"I'm sorry," Buck whispers, "I'm so sorry."

Buck winces as he gets up, almost immediately Hen and Chimney's eyes narrow suspiciously, "Are you hurt?"

"Just a little?"Buck laughs.

"C'mon, let's get you to the ambo, get you patched up." Hen orders as she ushers him towards the ambulance.

Eddie laces his fingers through Buck's, pressing a gentle kiss to his bruised knuckles. He receives the patented Diaz eyebrow raise when his eyes glance over them, but Buck can see the worry in his eyes. 

"Where are you hurt?" She asks, placing the med bag next to her as Chimney comes back into view, he can't see Bobby anywhere.

Buck licks his lips, contemplating whether he should lie to her or not, hide the real extent to his injuries, he doesn't, not when Eddie's going to see it all tonight.

"Almost everywhere," He sighs, grimacing as he takes his shirt off to show the full extent of what Elaine had done to him.

Hen stifles a gasp, Chimney's eyes widen, Bobby's face is schooled into concern and Eddie - Buck can't even look him in the eye - has anger in his eyes.

"Buck," She breathes, "What happened?" 

Her eyes roam across his body, drinking in the sight of the multi-coloured painting on his chest, purples and yellows mixing with reds and blues, leaving behind a sordid image. Her eyes stop on the large bruises across his chest, the ones concentrated on his the centre of his chest stand out against the other, a twisted sore thumb in a way.

"Is- is that?" Eddie's voice breaks and he clears his throat, "Are those-"

"3-4 cycles," Buck answers the question that died on Eddie's tongue.

Eddie closes his eyes, but Buck knows it's not because he wants to hide tears. He knows that he doesn't want Buck to see the anger in his eyes, but he doesn't need to, Buck can see the way Eddie's clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Buck?" Maddie's voice carries through, panic and relief interweaved into her voice, "Oh my god!" She breathes as she comes to a stop in front of the ambulance, Athena hot on her trial.

Her eyes follow the same motion as Hen's, her hand covering her mouth as she takes a step forward, "Buck," The sorrows in her voice has guilt churning in Buck's stomach, maybe he should've taken up Hondo's offer.

"Buck," Athena's voice is the most steady one so for but Buck knows that it's probably taking her all her effort to not smack him, "Who did this to you?" She asks, her hand brushing across the cut on his cheek, and Buck has to remind himself that it's Athena in front of him, not Elaine.

"Don't worry 'Thena," He reassures her, "She's dead," He's unable to keep the anger and venom out of his voice.

They flinch at his words, and Buck hides a frown, not the reaction he was expecting from them. Unless.

His eyes widen in realisation, "You watched the video," He states, their guilty looks confirm it. 

He turns to Maddie, "You had it with you the whole time?" Buck can't help but feel the anger he'd suppressed years ago build up again; logically he knows that Maddie didn't answer for a reason, but to know that she had it with her the whole time and not once had she brought it up, filled Buck with immeasurable anger. It would've been better if she'd never seen it at all.

"I- I didn't know what was in it," Maddie explains, "It was in a box that Doug's parents sent to me when I killed him. I swear Buck if I knew-" She breaks into a sob, as she grabs his hand, eyes pleading.

He pulls her into a hug, ignoring the way his body protests and his sides flare with pain again.

"It's fine Mads," He places a kiss to her forehead, "It's okay."

She pulls back, wiping her eyes before kissing him on the forehead, "I'm glad you're back."

"I did promise didn't it?" He smirks, "I keep my promises, you know that Mads."

She laughs, "I guess you do, I'm sorry I didn't keep mine."

He frowns before realising what she was referring to and guilt makes its way back almost immediately, "Mads I didn't mean it, I swear. I was angry-"

"Buck it's okay, you were right, I lied. I promised you I would be there but I wasn't and you have every right to be mad at me."

"M-"

"Evan," She sighs, "It's okay, what matters is that we're both here."

She hugs him again, but this time he's unable to stop the groan that slips his mouth.

"Buck, how clean are the stitches?" Hen asks.

"I changed them just before we took off, but that was hours ago." 

"Alright, I'll-"

"I'll change them when we go home," Eddie interrupts, his voice cold as ice.

She glances at him and then at Buck, "Okay."

"We'll see you tomorrow right?" Chim asks, his voice borderline teasing.

"Yes."

The car ride was awkward, to say the least, Eddie hadn't glanced at his way once, instead choosing to focus on the road. His knuckles were white and he showed no sign of stopping, it's a miracle that they haven't been pulled over yet.

They stop at the driveway, Carla's car is nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Chris?"

Eddie glances at him, his jaw clenching, "He's with Abuela for the night."

"Oh."

He follows Eddie awkwardly. The wind isn't too strong but it's enough to leave Buck shivering as he waits for Eddie to open the door.

He lets out a sigh of relief as they enter the house and Buck wants to collapse onto the couch immediately, let the exhaustion roll over him and pass out for the next couple of hours. 

"Bedroom," Eddie says.

Buck follows him, and he knows he's going to get an earful. 

He sits on the bed, hissing in pain as his body protests at the movement. Eddie walks back out, leaving Buck alone in the room. 

The room was just like he remembers, it's as if Buck never left. His t-shirt is on the top of the dresser and his side of the bed is untouched, save for the pillow which is on Eddie's side. His shoes lay in the corner of the room, a thin layer of dust blanketed across them. It's the photo that catches Buck's eye though, it's placed next to the pillow, not a single piece of dust or crease on it. 

Eddie walks back in, first aid kit and damp cloth in hand. He drops it on the bed next to Buck before pulling the chair and sitting on it. He lifts up Buck's shirt and tosses it to the side. 

Buck watches as Eddie cleans his stitches, the sliver of moonlight bouncing off the walls and onto him. His eyes are dark, long gone were the eyes that looked like melted chocolate and honey, instead, they were replaced by burnt whiskey and wood, leaving Buck in drowning in ashes and guilt. His lips were pulled into a tight line, and a crease on his forehead as he worked through stitch by stitch. 

Buck was too afraid to talk, he didn't want to break the silence enveloping them, he knew he had to. He owed Eddie an explanation and an apology.

"Eddie-" He tries, keeping his voice barely above a whisper.

"Not now Buck," His voice is sharp and cuts through the silence like jagged glass, leaving behind shards that cut and hurt more than the actual wounds on his body, "Please."

"Okay," He whispers. 

He hisses in pain when Eddie presses the antiseptic soaked cloth against a stitch.

"Sorry," He apologises.

He presses bandages against each cut, pressing lightly to make sure that they stick. 

His eyes stop on the giant bruises on his chest, and Buck can't tell what he's thinking, not when the room only illuminated by the small lamp and the moonlight peeking through the blinds. His hands rest on the bruises, Buck could feel the tremor.

He places his own hand on top of Eddie's pressing hard enough that Eddie could feel his heartbeat but not enough to aggravate his ribs.

"I'm here Eds," He reassures him, "I'm here."

"You weren't though," His voice cracks, "You weren't, I didn't know where you were, what you were doing or what happened to you. I don't even know you, Evan."

If Eddie could feel his heart stutter he didn't say anything. Buck let his hand drop, but Eddie's still stayed on his chest.

"I- I'm still Buck," He implores, "Eddie, look at me, I promise you, I'm Buck."

"I know that," Eddie agrees, meeting his eyes, "I know that in here," He points to his head, "But Buck, I just need to catch up, I- the things we learnt about you, we - I need to process it."

"Right, okay, sure," He fumbles, "I'll sleep on the couch or go back to-"

"No!" Eddie shouts, "No, you're staying here, I'm not letting you out of my sight."

"Are you sure? It's not-"

"Buck if you think I'm going to let go after everything that's happened then I _really_ don't know you."

Buck smiles, "Alright, I'll stay."

"I love you," Eddie whispers, pressing a kiss to his lips.

"I love you more," He responds, chasing his lips.

Eddie helps him change, being careful not to open any of the stitches. 

They get into bed, Buck wincing as his body protests at the movement. Eddie snuggles into his side and Buck wraps his arms around him, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"I love you, Eddie, I love you so much."

Eddie smiles up at him, "I love you so much more."

"We can agree to disagree."

Eddie huffs out a laugh.

Buck wakes up to knocking on the door, and then the sound of crutches.

"Bucky!" Chris screams, "You came back."

Eddie startles awake, eyes bleary as he comes back to his senses.

"Hey kiddo," He greets.

Chirs beams at them before climbing up on the bed.

Eddie helps him up and he sits snugly between them.

"I knew you'd come back," Chris whispers.

Buck smiles as tears fill his eyes, "I love you kiddo," He presses a kiss to his head.

"I love you too Bucky."

"I'm glad you're back _mijo_ ," _Abuela_ says, "I'll be back tomorrow, and you better give me answers."

"Sure _Abuela_ ," He agrees, glancing at Eddie, who has a smirk on his face.

"Good, now go back to sleep."

The next time Buck wakes up to faint knocking, before the bell rings out, waking up both Chris and Eddie.

"What time?" Buck mutters as he sits up, ignoring the pain blossoming across his body.

"11:00 AM," Eddie answers, he turns to Chris, "Why don't you go take a shower? I'll make breakfast okay?"

Chris nods and then turns to Buck, "After dad fails, can you make pancakes?" He whispers.

Buck barks out a laugh, regretting it almost immediately as pain flares in his chest, "Sure buddy."

"Okay! Bye dad, bye Bucky."

Eddie waits until Chris is out of the room, "You're not making breakfast," He says, voice thick with finality as he gets up, "I don't care what you have to say, you're injured and you must be fucking insane if you think I'm going to let you into the kitchen."

Buck goes to reply but is cut off by the bell ringing again.

"Coming!" Eddie calls out, "C'mon."

He grabs Buck's hand and pulls it across his neck, helping him stand up.

"I can walk Eddie," He huffs out.

"I know you can, but don't think I didn't see you hide the pain," He leaves him in front of the mirror, "Get cleaned up, I'll let them in."

Buck quirks an eyebrow.

"Please we both know it's the 118, I'm just surprised they waited this long to come here."

By the time Buck's done getting cleaned up, Bobby's set out multiples plates, each filled with varying stacks of pancakes.

"Ah you're finally here," Bobby announces as he limps towards the table, "Here, eat up," He says, placing a plate with a stack of pancakes in front of him.

Buck's stomach grumbles loudly at the sight of it, everyone laughs and he blushes.

"When was the last time you ate Buckaroo?" Chim teases.

"Probably after the surgery," He chuckles, "That was like almost a day ago."

"Surgery?" Eddie asks, voice weighted with concern.

Buck winces internally, he should've kept his mouth shut.

"Yeah, to remove the bullet out."

"Jesus," Hen sighs.

He shrugs in response before stuffing his face.

"How did you get shot?" Maddie asks as he sits net to him, her hand on his.

He looks at her and knows that he can't lie.

He swallows the pieces in his mouth and explains.

"We were doing recon, trying to pinpoint her location," He says, lacing his fingers with Eddie's, "Once we were done, we were walking back when I was kidnapped," He hides a wince when Eddie's grip gets tighter, "I wake up bound to a chair, we argued and fought. Danny broke into the room, I killed her, Danny killed the guard and then a few more. We were walking out when I got shot. They took me to the nearest base and I went in for surgery."

The room was quiet, Eddie brings his hand up and kisses it. Buck could see the tears shining in his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell us, Buck?" Maddie asks, her voice soft.

Buck swallows the lump in his throat, "I- I was sacred," He admits, "I lost the people I cared about the most. I trusted Elaine with my life, I loved her like a sister but to her, we were all just pawns in her game, a 'means to an end' so that she could get what she wanted. I trusted her with everything and she threw it back at my face. I- I didn't want to feel like that again, I nearly lost myself, if it wasn't for Steve and Danny," He stops himself, shuddering as a small voice in his head yells at him to stop sharing, "I don't know where I would be. I stayed with Steve after the team disbanded. I helped with the cases he and Danny came across, not all the time, but sometimes. I was lost and stranded, I didn't know what to do, who to trust. There were times where I wished I wouldn't wake up after falling asleep. I had no one and no purpose," He admits, "It wasn't until I spoke to Danny's father, a firefighter, ironically named Eddie," He smiles at him, "That I finally found it, but I was still scared to tell people, I spent 7 years with someone who I thought I could trust; I didn't think I could do it again. Not until I met you guys, I'm sorry for not telling you any of this sooner."

"No," Maddie's voice firm as she shakes her head, "Don't apologise, I'm glad you told us on your terms."

He smiles at her.

"She right," Bobby agrees, "I'm glad you chose us, Buck. Thank you."

"No, thank you," He turns to face everyone, "Thank you for giving me a family again."

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked this.
> 
> on a completely unrelated note, any American out that could help me bc wtf are credit hours??  
> I'm just trying to convert my a-level grades into a gpa so that i could have a vague idea if i could get into uni?? so it would be wonderful if you could help a sister out.
> 
> anyway, hope ya'll have a great day!
> 
> [my tumblr !](http://ho1yhell.tumblr.com/)


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